Change is good.

So I dropped out. I feel like I made the best decision for me. I'm not going to go through all of my reasons here, suffice it to say I wasn't happy, and I wasn't going to be happy while still in school.

So now I'm looking for a job with benefits. I'll work until I figure out what I want to do. Then I'll go back to school, but not until then. There's no point in wasting the money if I don't know what I want to do.

I have been really surprised by everyone's reactions. My mom said she'd been expecting it, she could tell I wasn't happy. My dad is a little disappointed, but says that he trusts my decision. John is upset but he seems to only be upset because they wasted money on me this semester. He also thinks I asked everyone to take care of me and then just threw it back in their faces. Obviously I don't agree. In three years, I've only asked for money when I didn't have an option (like that time we had $27 in our bank accounts and no food in the house. They gave me $150). I feel like Sean and I did it mostly on our own. Yeah, we've had some help, but mostly from Sean's parents and my daddy. I don't know, I guess I just feel like he doesn't have the right to be angry for the reasons that he's angry. They know I'm planning on paying them back for this semester, and it's not like they're going without because they paid it. I can understand a general disappointment, but I think this is a little over the top. bah.


Randomness and information

porn and chicken, much like beer and regular movies, can only be entertaining for so long. Most especially when there are no good movies on. Pizza makes it better, though.

The girl above us is part elephant. Aaron was amazed at the noise she makes just walking up the stairs. He also stated that she lives with a phoenix that spits cinnamon fireballs at her.

We had a talk about wind. It's not needed. fans can blow the weather about, jesus!

Apparently, burping while talking makes you sound russian.

aaron watched carmen electra's strip tease exercise video hoping she would actually strip in it. She doesn't.

I don't like the Cube movies. I don't like gore.

I'm bored.

Aaron doesn't like green eggs and ham.

Sean doesn't really like green eggs either, but he doesn't mind the ham.

I'm still bored.


If I lay here, If I just lay here, Will you lay with me and just forget the world?

This is more than I can take, obviously.

I can't sleep, I am rarely hungry, I can't concentrate on anything.
I'm falling behind and this weekend will be spent catching up.
I always feel like throwing up.
My eyes hurt so much i can't wear my contacts. I think it's from a lack of sleep and too much crying.
On the plus side, it's making me realize how much can change so rapidly.
I'm trying to let go of all grudges I bear, and I think it's working.
Those I disliked before, for whatever reason, I now either am indifferent to, or have forgiven.
it makes it easier to forgive when the second party admits that I maybe, just maybe had a right to my feelings due to their actions and words.
I know how people remember things differently after they happen.
It happens, oh well. It's in the past now.

I wonder what it's like to think you have years left to live, and then suddenly find out you only have a couple weeks?

on a side note, the date is May 24, 2008.


I'm done

My boss sucks at being a boss. She also is not so nice to me.

So I'm finding a new job.

Starting now.


aw shucks

I'm more excited about classes this semester than I have been about any other semester. Classes are going well so far. I think I will like my programming class and my Spanish class. I haven't had calc yet, it's at 5.30 tonight. I'm not so sure about my psych class... it's iffy.

My Spanish TA is Hungarian. I just hope she speaks Spanish better than she does English. She claims to, but how am I to know, I don't speak Spanish.

Sean got more loan money than he ever has before, so we're trying not to spend it all. However, he wants a laptop and i wouldn't mind a cheap desktop to play around with... or an ipod...

I ran into Erin this morning. I haven't seen her in ages and I miss hanging out with her. Maybe I should see if she'd want to get coffee with me or something.

I got tired of being angry and got a couple friends back... it made me realize how much I miss the rest of the people I used to be friends with and grew apart from.


Multipurpose Recycled

So I can't sleep. And insomnia always makes me depressed. I sit and think, which is never a good idea. I have issues letting things go, and just when I think I actually have let something go, it just pops into my mind saying "oh, you thought I was gone, did you? Well you were really fucking wrong!" So I sit and dwell. I don't want to bother Sean, so I let him sleep. After all, he needs his energy to put up with all my crap. I can't help it if every time I see a...

I can't help but feel like none of this is ever going to happen. I'm engaged and I have a ring and nothing is happening. My mom won't even look at dresses with me. Every time I bring it up she makes excuses.

When I start feeling down I spend money. Which we don't have. Mainly because I've already spent it. We bought a DS lite and three games because I had to have one. Then I went out and bought a coffee maker and stuff for the bathroom, none of which was needed.

I'm not very happy here, and I haven't been for a while. If it wasn't for Sean, I think I'd have transferred to ISU by now.

I feel like now that Megan and Nate are married there's going to be a gap too big to bridge between us. I'm not sure why.

Do all cats like to lick plastic bags, or is it just ours?

If it wouldn't destroy my daddy, I think I'd drop out now.



So I got engaged tonight.