Muddled Thoughts

Change is good.

2007-02-21T02:21:00.000-06:00

So I dropped out. I feel like I made the best decision for me. I'm not going to go through all of my reasons here, suffice it to say I wasn't happy, and I wasn't going to be happy while still in school.

So now I'm looking for a job with benefits. I'll work until I figure out what I want to do. Then I'll go back to school, but not until then. There's no point in wasting the money if I don't know what I want to do.

I have been really surprised by everyone's reactions. My mom said she'd been expecting it, she could tell I wasn't happy. My dad is a little disappointed, but says that he trusts my decision. John is upset but he seems to only be upset because they wasted money on me this semester. He also thinks I asked everyone to take care of me and then just threw it back in their faces. Obviously I don't agree. In three years, I've only asked for money when I didn't have an option (like that time we had $27 in our bank accounts and no food in the house. They gave me $150). I feel like Sean and I did it mostly on our own. Yeah, we've had some help, but mostly from Sean's parents and my daddy. I don't know, I guess I just feel like he doesn't have the right to be angry for the reasons that he's angry. They know I'm planning on paying them back for this semester, and it's not like they're going without because they paid it. I can understand a general disappointment, but I think this is a little over the top. bah.

Randomness and information

2007-01-27T21:33:00.000-06:00

porn and chicken, much like beer and regular movies, can only be entertaining for so long. Most especially when there are no good movies on. Pizza makes it better, though.

The girl above us is part elephant. Aaron was amazed at the noise she makes just walking up the stairs. He also stated that she lives with a phoenix that spits cinnamon fireballs at her.

We had a talk about wind. It's not needed. fans can blow the weather about, jesus!

Apparently, burping while talking makes you sound russian.

aaron watched carmen electra's strip tease exercise video hoping she would actually strip in it. She doesn't.

I don't like the Cube movies. I don't like gore.

I'm bored.

Aaron doesn't like green eggs and ham.

Sean doesn't really like green eggs either, but he doesn't mind the ham.

I'm still bored.

If I lay here, If I just lay here, Will you lay with me and just forget the world?

2006-09-29T11:27:00.000-05:00

This is more than I can take, obviously.

I can't sleep, I am rarely hungry, I can't concentrate on anything.
I'm falling behind and this weekend will be spent catching up.
I always feel like throwing up.
My eyes hurt so much i can't wear my contacts. I think it's from a lack of sleep and too much crying.
On the plus side, it's making me realize how much can change so rapidly.
I'm trying to let go of all grudges I bear, and I think it's working.
Those I disliked before, for whatever reason, I now either am indifferent to, or have forgiven.
it makes it easier to forgive when the second party admits that I maybe, just maybe had a right to my feelings due to their actions and words.
I know how people remember things differently after they happen.
It happens, oh well. It's in the past now.

I wonder what it's like to think you have years left to live, and then suddenly find out you only have a couple weeks?

on a side note, the date is May 24, 2008.

I'm done

2006-09-14T13:38:00.000-05:00

My boss sucks at being a boss. She also is not so nice to me.

So I'm finding a new job.

Starting now.

aw shucks

2006-08-22T14:09:00.000-05:00

I'm more excited about classes this semester than I have been about any other semester. Classes are going well so far. I think I will like my programming class and my Spanish class. I haven't had calc yet, it's at 5.30 tonight. I'm not so sure about my psych class... it's iffy.

My Spanish TA is Hungarian. I just hope she speaks Spanish better than she does English. She claims to, but how am I to know, I don't speak Spanish.

Sean got more loan money than he ever has before, so we're trying not to spend it all. However, he wants a laptop and i wouldn't mind a cheap desktop to play around with... or an ipod...

I ran into Erin this morning. I haven't seen her in ages and I miss hanging out with her. Maybe I should see if she'd want to get coffee with me or something.

I got tired of being angry and got a couple friends back... it made me realize how much I miss the rest of the people I used to be friends with and grew apart from.

Multipurpose Recycled

2006-08-20T01:50:00.000-05:00

So I can't sleep. And insomnia always makes me depressed. I sit and think, which is never a good idea. I have issues letting things go, and just when I think I actually have let something go, it just pops into my mind saying "oh, you thought I was gone, did you? Well you were really fucking wrong!" So I sit and dwell. I don't want to bother Sean, so I let him sleep. After all, he needs his energy to put up with all my crap. I can't help it if every time I see a...

I can't help but feel like none of this is ever going to happen. I'm engaged and I have a ring and nothing is happening. My mom won't even look at dresses with me. Every time I bring it up she makes excuses.

When I start feeling down I spend money. Which we don't have. Mainly because I've already spent it. We bought a DS lite and three games because I had to have one. Then I went out and bought a coffee maker and stuff for the bathroom, none of which was needed.

I'm not very happy here, and I haven't been for a while. If it wasn't for Sean, I think I'd have transferred to ISU by now.

I feel like now that Megan and Nate are married there's going to be a gap too big to bridge between us. I'm not sure why.

Do all cats like to lick plastic bags, or is it just ours?

If it wouldn't destroy my daddy, I think I'd drop out now.

eeek!

2006-06-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

So I got engaged tonight.

The worst mistake

2006-05-29T22:41:00.000-05:00

This summer Sean and I are living in Urbandale. He has an internship with a company in Des Moines and I am doing clerical work for Polk County. We tried to sublet our place so we could move into another apartment, but we couldn't find anyone to take it. We're living with my parents. I had to choose which set of parents we should live with, which is basically deciding between mental health and money. I chose to live closer to where we will be working, which means we save on gas money, but I lose out on the whole mental health issue. I really had never noticed just how much my step dad has to say. I remember him (from when I used to live here) as being fairly quiet. Either I was too stoned to notice him or he's changed quite a bit. Everything either Sean or I say, he has some retort that's really not worth it. He goes on and on about how unsecure wireless internet is and how he has a friend (who works for the FBI) that can see what anyone is looking at no matter their encryption. So fine, the FBI can look at what we look at. Normal people can't. Then he goes on to say that he will never use the wireless, only the DSN (he means DSL). Sean hooked up the wireless router and realized that they didn't have any of the passwords set up, which means that their DSL connection was more unsecure than an unsecured wireless connection. We didn't tell him any of this, because he would have ignored us or something.

My mom's guilt trips have gotten more prominent than they used to be. My sister decided not to come home for Memorial Day weekend because she had a law reveiw due this Tuesday and Sean and I are going to see her next weekend. My mom told me that she isn't coming because I'm going to see her, and that, because I'm so selfish as to want to spend a weekend with my sister, they don't get to see her. They went and visited two weeks ago. I haven't seen her since Christmas. Fuck it.

They never take into account what I like and dislike. Everytime I say I don't like a certain food, they make fun of me. I don't like pork, I thnk it's gross, I did a project that involved little parasites that live in pigs and used to make people sick. I understand that most pigs don't have those now, but I have an aversion to it, and I find it disgusting. When I told them, they rolled their eyes, waited till I left, and, in front of Sean, started talking about how ridiculous I am. They still cook pork and expect me to eat it. If I do decide to eat something else, I get a bunch of shit for it, so if they make something I don't like, I just don't eat for the night.

This experience is going to be worse than I thought it would be. It's going to be really hard on Sean because he not only has to deal with them, but also with how I deal with them.

2006-05-12T21:53:00.000-05:00

I hurt so much. I know that I have no right to hurt, but I do. I'm so sorry. I just need some time.

just a reminder...ok it's here

2006-04-12T18:29:00.000-05:00

Ok, sorry, it's been awhile. My town was partially destroyed. Now, Green Thong Girl. Green Thong Girl (GTG) is a girl I saw on the pentacrest the other day. I think it was Wednesday. She was wearing a black linen one piece dress that was so tight on top that it looked like a swimsuit. She was not an attractive girl, and she did not have an attractive body. It was sort of gross, but not as gross as what's next.

So, there I am on a beautiful Wednesday afternoon enjoying the sun and warmth after far too much cold. With me are Clare and Sean. Suddenly, Sean turns a bit greenish, gets up, and moves so he's facing the opposite direction. Clare and I look to where he was previously looking, and see GTG, lying down on her back, with her legs spread WIDE apart. And her thong was crooked. Needless to say, icky icky icky.

As we sit there (for a couple hours) she never notices. She rolls around and shows the whole pentacrest things no one wanted to see. And THEN she stood up with her back to us all, hooked the top of her thong (over her dress) and tried to pull it out of her butt. Apparently that wasn't good enough, so she REACHED UNDER HER DRESS and picked it the rest of the way.

What a great day.

I live in a sketchy neighborhood

2006-03-15T01:56:00.000-06:00

That's right, it's sketchy. Not the most sketchy place in Iowa City, but close. In fact, some people in black hoodies broke into the store downstairs. They smashed a big window and all. Of course, that set the alarm off, which sounds like it's in our living room, and Sean looked out the window and saw 3-5 people (guys, by their stature)in black hoodies running up Benton. He called the police, I called the owner. It took about 5 minutes to get a hold of him, and he came down. The cops were here in under a minute (they always have a car on Gilbert, it just goes on a loop between Hy-Vee and Bowery, and there always seems to be a car on Gilbert near us). Anyway, they found a big broken window, and now we have unmarked cars driving around everywhere, shining spotlights all the time. I'm so full of adrenalin that I'm wide awake and shaking like mad... I think from now on the door will stay locked, even when we're home.

o.O

2006-03-08T22:20:00.000-06:00

So I was all excited when ChoongHi told me that she wanted me to make a prototype piece to show to manufacturers. Then I got all the rest of the information. Such as I need $5000 to do it. She said "ask your parents for some money" I say, whose parents have a spare $5000 just lying around somewhere? So anyway, while it was a huge opportunity for me and I could have made a lot of money off of it, I can't do it. I could always sell my design, but that sort of feels like I'm selling myself... and I don't like that. So.... I'm disappointed, but I'll live. It's not exactly like it's my major anymore.

Woah Nelly...

2006-03-02T12:57:00.000-06:00

hmm, I wonder what she's up to?

Anyway.
Metals today was ridiculously.. ridiculous. ChoongHee Choo was being so crazy that I almost called her Ava Su on more than one occassion. Anyway, my octapi flatware pieces were finished and I got a 100 on them. Then she told me that she wants a prototype piece that she can show to manufacturers. She wants it sold at Crate & Barrel for $20. I think she's silly.

And. We're starting a war over out sofa. I listed it on Craigs List and now we have two people fighting over it.

Ava Su is being crazier than normal. She has this Japenese ballet star staying with her. Poor girl, I don't know how she got sucked into it. Yesterday Ava Su started telling this Japenese girl about how the Japenese went over and killed all te Chinese (Ava Su is Chinese)and how horrible they were. The girl's eyes just got huge. then Ava Su said "oh, it's not your fault your people are horrible." Then Ann started in on her about how subservient Japenese women are. Then I had to jump in and tell Ann how wrong she was. My aunt (who is Japenese) once stabbed my uncle in the leg with a fork. She also controlled everything in their marriage. Subservient my ass.

meep

2006-01-12T13:26:00.000-06:00

I am officially Marieless. There is a hole in me. I hope you read this Marie, and know that you leave holes in people (not to make you feel bad or anything, but we love you).

When my sister was in college she went abroad to Ireland for a year, and that was when I decided that I wanted to go as well. Of course, I was in high school and I had a lot of time and then things changed and I didn't really want to go as much. So my freshman year of college, the very first semester, I decided that I didn't want to go at all, not for a year, not for a semester.

Now that everyone is -over there- I kind of do want to go, but I don't at the same time. I don't want to study abroad and I don't want to live abroad, I just want to visit. Just go and see everyone that I care about seeing, which is mostly Marie and Sam, and probably Andy.

Anywho, back to work.

Christmas bells and family hell

2005-12-28T22:01:00.000-06:00

where to start...ok! We went to Cedar Rapids Saturday evening because it was going to get cold cold cold later on in the week. On Sunday we hung out with his parents and played catch phrase which was great fun. Monday I made orange cookies, oatmeal raisin walnut cookies, and molasses raisin cookies for Sean's family, and we spent Tuesday and Wednesday passing them out to everyone. We talked to almost everyone and we got to see the baby, which was great. Thursday we stayed in pajamas all day long, then hung out with Brian and went to see some kids that they went to high school with play at CSPS. Friday we drove to Des Moines, got hair cuts, I drove back to CR, and then I went back to DM. Oh man, I think this might have been the best christmas ever... I got:

A $50 gift card to DSW
an electric kitchen scale
a tea pot
a tea kettle
organic melon seed tea
a new infuser
a single cup + infuser
blackberry tea
a Kitchen Aid food processer
a Kitchen Aid stand mixer, 6 qt. with a lift (in cinammon)
two silicone baking molds
an 8 piece stainless steal kitchen utensil set
2 nice spatulas
stainless steal measuring cups
stainless steal measuring spoons
a Global Santoku knife
a citrus juicer
A soup cookbook
a CIA cookbook
a pie cookbook
two chopper sweeper things
a Gizmo hand mixer

Sean and I agreed not to get eachother anything since our anniversary was December 10th and we kinda sorta spent a lot of money on each other then.

and I think that is all
Anyway, we are back in IC now, getting everything put together. Last night i made Broccoli Cheese Chowder, an Herb bread, and cinnamon creme brulee. It was all pretty good, but I think the bread was the best. Now we just rearranged our room and I'm tired. so goodnight.

Humpty Dumpty got stoned on a wall

2005-11-10T00:48:00.000-06:00

Hi, it's me. You know, the one who sporatically updates this journal with misspelled words and out of date information.

Well. Last Saturday I went up to UNI to spend the day/night with Marie and Julia. It was fun, and I played around on Marie's computer a bit (I'll spare you the details), met Noah and some of their friends, and played with Marie's trumpet and french horn. It was pretty fun.

Anyways. I'm switching to Linux. Not completely, but partially. When I got home from work tonight, I transferred my stuff to Sean's computer, reformatted, and partioned my drive so that I can dual boot. Anyway. I've got windows reinstalled and running again (obviously) and I'm downloading linux now, then I'll burn it, format the other part of my drive and I'll be set!

Oh yeah... my mom got a new job. She's a judge now. I'm not exactly excited for this, but she is, so I'll hide my lack of enthusiasm around her, and just bitch to Sean instead.

Multipurpose Recycled

2005-10-13T12:52:00.000-05:00

All this stuff with my grandma has got me in a funk. Apparently this stuff happens quite often with older people.

Here's the story:

In the past 4 years my grandma has had two hip replacements and a knee replacement. She's been on narcotic pain killers for the past five years, mainly oxy codone.

At some point in time, we have no idea when but I think it was fairly recently, she developed a dependency. Ny papa would give her the correct amount of pills, and then he would go to bed. Once he was in bed, she would get up and take another pill or two. One night she was so out of it that she fell and broke two ribs.

The broken ribs were rubbing on her lung and caused irritation and then pneumonia. She started having panic attacks because she felt like she couldn't breathe. She went into the hospital just for some rest, and they gave her morphine and adderoll.

Basically, she was overmedicated. A lot. A lot a lot. She didn't know who anyone was, where she was, or who she was, and there was a big man with an ATM.

Her kidneys failed. Because of that she couldn't get the narcotics out of her body, so they were all just circulating.

Well. They transfered her from Knoxville to Mercy in Des Moines, and they didn't think she was going to survive the night.

She did survive, and they got her kidneys working again, but then she went through withdrawl. Basically, she went through everything that a heroin addict goes through when quitting cold turkey.

It was bad, it was messy, and it was scary as hell.

Now she's back home, but she's still having some problems. She thought she'd be going home to her little stash, but my aunt Krissy threw it all away. Then she tried to convince my mother that the doctor said she could have oxy codone if she wanted it. She's not being very nice to Papa, or to anyone, I suppose.

Well, she's too weak to cook right now so she has meals on wheels coming to bring her and Papa food. She also has an inhome nurse, and my aunt goes over there every night, and my mom on weekends.

She's doing better, but she's still not herself.

It's scary, and it sucks, and if you're wondering why I've been in a funk lately, that's why.

Life as it goes

2005-10-10T20:22:00.000-05:00

Is fairly normal. Last night I made spanikopita and it was great. I even made a lowfat version and it was still very good. One misshap..I sliced my thumb while cutting onions, decided I could wait to see about it, and I bled through 6 bandaids and a cotton ball. Well, 6 hours later I was still bleeding. So we took a walk to the hospital, they gave me a tetnus shot, and couldn't stitch it because I waited too long, so they gave me steristrips instead.

So anyway

Sean bought me a pastry cookbook because I begged him to. I think my mom is going to get me the second edition for christmas.

And I made the best apple pie I've ever made the other night. It was absolutlely perfect, if I do say so myself.

I want to go to FCI (French Culinary Institute) in New York for the pastry program, but it costs way too much. I could start a fundraiser, but who would want to pay for some silly girl to learn how to cook? that's what I thought, no one.

The end.

2005-09-15T14:41:00.000-05:00

Something that is really bothering me right now, besides this crappy ass mac keyboard I'm typing on, is people who don't know what they want to be, so they try to be just like someone else. Now, this can be as simple as person Q choosing a to attend a certain school because person M is attending that school. And maybe when Q gets to said school, Q will pick the same major as M and so on. Probably Q will want to have the same friends, and take the same classes as M does, and live in the general vacinity of M. Q will get the same mode of transportation as M has, and will try to have the same social/envioronmental/moral/whatever values as M does. Eventually, M and Q will be out of school and move into the "real world." M will get a great job that maybe pays well, maybe doesn't, and will have loads of fun doing it. M will move into a nice neighborhood with a spouse of some sort, have a big house with a red front door and a white picket fence, some kids, and probably a dog and a cat. Meanwhile, Q will get a job in the same line of work as M, will be less than happy with the job and will not enjoy it. Q will buy a house that looks similar to M's house, live in a similar or the same neighborhood as M, have a red front door, a white picket fence, some kids, and probably a dog and a cat. Q will hate the house and the red front door and the stupid white picket fence, but will not realize it. Q will be so obsessed with being like M that Q won't even realize how unhappy s/he is until it's too late.

I wasn't describing anyone I know in that situation. If you think I WAS talking about you, then maybe you should think about why you think I was talking about you.

exhausted

2005-09-13T18:10:00.000-05:00

So. Today I got up EARLY. Not increadibly early, but early for me. And I TRIED to get up at 7am, but that did not work. Instead, I got up at 8am, went through my morning rituals, and rode my bike down to the bookstore. At the bookstore, I found two books I needed for a class, Literature, A Portable Anthology, and The Erasers. I spent about $50 on those books, and went up to the secret study room in the library. It isn't acutally a secret, but not many people use it. I read my assignment, which was only 20 pages, and then I was bored, because it was 10am and my clas wasn't for an hour.

blah blah blah, did a lot of useless stuff and "learned"

Sean had bagels after class, so I ate, chatted with Ashley, and then I went back up to the secret study room that is not a secret in the library and took a nap. See, the secret study room that is not a secret has over a dozen big comfy chairs in it that slide easily. When I got up to the secret study room that is not a secret, most of the chairs were filled by other exhausted students, but I found two that were empty, so I slid them together and proceeded to pass out. Sean woke me up later so I could go to office hours for a class, and blah blah blah, more useless stuff, here I am.

I am here.

And the Confusion sets in

2005-09-07T00:52:00.000-05:00

I have a great life. I have friends who care about me, a boyfriend who loves me more than I could ever imagine and whom I love every bit as much, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge.

But I'm not happy.

I think it has something to do with this being Iowa. And maybe with school starting again without me getting a true break. Or maybe it's the incredible lack of sleep, or the constant and fairly intense pain. Maybe it's the way my mother still treats me, or how spiteful she's become towards me.

Right now I could use a couple Vicodin and maybe an amitryptaline or two. And a change of pace.

New day

2005-08-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

So classes started today. I love my design class, stay tuned for another major change. My Interp of Lit class is ridiculous. oh well. Intro to Political Behavior is actually really interesting and I'm looking forward to it. Other than that... went to US Cellular today and got my number changed. If I didn't email or IM it to you, leave a note and I'll get it to you. Umm... other than that, nothing's new. More new classes tomorrow. only two though. Well, the end, I suppose.

Late night ramblings

2005-08-08T03:20:00.000-05:00

So, it's almost 3am and *somebody* is still awake. Go figure.

My nana is having surgery on Tuesday so I'm taking a bus home tomorrow (well, later today [monday]). Sean can't come because our boss is a bitch. So I will miss Sean while I am gone, but I'll be back Wednesday (our anniversary).

I made a blueberry pie yesterday which is yummy as hell and Sean and Mike both said that I MUST make another one sometime soon, so I will. I'm making a cherry pie for my nana tomorrow.

Sean got me beautiful flowers on Friday. He's so great.

Six is a weird, weird cat, but he's cute as hell, and we're finally getting some weight on him. He's almost up to 3 pounds! We go to the vet tomorrow morning to get another shot, and to schedule his "procedure"

School is starting soon (as you all know) and I don't know how I feel about that. I didn't get much of a break, but it'll be nice, I suppose. I am glad that I don't know anyone in my classes (I don't think) because it'll be nice to be completely on my own. I have almost all of my books, but I don't want to get the one I don't have because it's the most expensive. All the other books I found on amazon for under $100 total, and there are 8 of them. This last one I found for $58 on amazon, but the school has it for about $65, so It's about equal, when you add in shipping and handling. Oh, I got a B+ in my summer class, and my teacher loved me. He's great. He loved my style of writing and told me that any time I want him to look over a paper for him, he'll gladly do it. He also told me that he thinks I would do well in any sociology related class.

I've been hurting like crazy lately. No joke, I cried the other day. This is no fun at all, and I'm seriously considering going back to the rhumatologist and maybe even possibly going back on pills. It's getting to the point where I can't walk down hills. And this sleep thing is annoying as hell too. I take melatonin to get to sleep (I forgot tonight) but it doesn't help me stay asleep, which is the really annoying part.

I've also been thinking about joining Curves. It's only $25/month, and it's right across the street from me. Maybe I'll try it for a quarter and see how often I actually go to it.

I will get home around 10.30 on Wednesday, and Sean doesn't get off work till noonish, so I have been thinking of some fun things I could surprise him with.

Oh yeah. Chris is gone. OH YEAH! ok, I'm done now. No, he's really gone, and I'm so incredibly happy. We have space now. And I've already told Ashley she could stay with us some nights because she's in a shitty situation and I feel bad for her. Good thing we have my futon here.

Leah is all moved into her new apartment in Minn. It'll be nice to see her more often. The reunion was alright, although I had more fun when I wasn't doing the actual reunion stuff. We got to see Marie, and Liz and Kenny, and we visited my nana and papa, and Krissy and Cate came over while we were there with Krissy's grandson Street. He's an adorable kid, and his dad is the best tattoo artist in Des Moines. Excellent. We also saw my dad and Jacque and the boys. Grant grew three inches in a little over two months. I'm really not joking either. When I last saw him, he was half an inch shorter than I was. He's now 3 inches taller than I am. Ridiculous. Greg and Dad are doing a boundry waters thing for boy scouts, I hope they're having fun and also that no one gets electrocuted.

Well. I thought I had more to say, but evidently I was wrong. So. I think I'll go join Sean and Six in this whole sleeping thing that I find so foreign.

PLEASE MAIL METER CARD TODAY

2005-07-25T16:22:00.000-05:00

So wow, Things have been great. My sister is coming on Wednesday and I'm taking off work early so that I can let her into our apartment. Mac (her dog) is coming too, and it'll be great. We're going to cook delicious food and what not, then Thurday is my last day of class and will most likely just be evaluations. So then we go to Cedar Rapids to drop off Six at his grandparents' house (aka duffy residence) and then head back to Urbandale. So I'll be back probably mid afternoon on Thursday. Thursday night we're going to eat at my brother's resturaunt and then Friday I have an eye appointment and then John's family comes in for the reunion. Saturday most likely we'll have as a "just us family day" and then Sunday there's a picknick and lots of fun stuff. Monday we are back in IC and cleaning the apartment since Chris will be gone by then, and if he's not I'll throw his stuff out on to the street and that'll be that.

Aaaaaaaanyway, I work 5 hours today, 5 hours tomorrow, and 4 hours on Wednesday, and then I'm done till Tuesday, and no more working weekends until maybe school starts but I hope not.

Well. The end, I suppose.

Icky day

2005-07-20T17:39:00.000-05:00

So today I'm taking a day off. Not because I want to (I do want to, it's just not the reason) but because I feel like crap. Hooray for feeling like crap! I've been throwing up since about 2 and nothing has helped. I did do laundry, though, because Sean said he has no more socks.

Life lately has been stressful. I get up at 8 (or try to) go to class, after 2 hours of class I jump on a bus for a 30 minute ride to Oakdale Campus, work for 5 hours, take another 30 minute bus ride back to campus, and ride my bike home. Then I make myself some dinner, play with the cat, do my homework, and then Sean comes home and we try and relax. I'm gettign a third job here soon. I need the money

Leah is coming to visit next week on Wednesday. Then we're going home for the family reunion. Going to try and see some people, but I don't know how well that is going to work, we'll have to see.

It's been so hot lately that I've basically been living in my underwear. Yeah. it's ok though, because they're those boy shorts and they are comfy and no one notices that they are underwear.

Well, I need to go put Sean's socks in the dryer.

The end.

Six

2005-07-03T22:43:00.000-05:00

He woke us up early this morning, and then slept with me for three or four hours before we woke up. He likes sleeping on the couch, and he doesn't like baths. He doesn't mind his harness, and he's alright with his leash. He went outside today to experiance the rain, and he walked around on the deck thing for a little bit. I don't think he likes outside much. He has his own website now, it's cute
He's the perfect cat. He uses his litter box all the time, he's starting to eat hard food, he drinks his water from his kitty fountain (we are spoiling him) and he doesn't mind sleeping in his box. He also takes his vitamins and doesn't mind being brushed. He's perfect.

2005-07-02T21:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, to see our kitty, go here He's sleeping on our bed right now, and he's so small! He is still nameless. I like Oscar, Sean would prefer something else, but we can't agree on anything, so, we'll see. If you have any (serious) suggestions, you should tell us.

EDIT: He has a name now. He is King Oscar the Sixth Duffy, aka Six.

Muddled Thoughts

2005-07-02T13:23:00.000-05:00

Muddled Thoughts We got a cat. He's the cutest thing ever. And he doesn't have a name yet. He's only a few weeks old. And he's adorable. So we are now cat proofing the apartment. He's so cute! I'm so excited. The end. Pictures later.

Silly me

2005-06-08T19:18:00.000-05:00

My summer class started yesterday. It's actually not bad, and I think, despite reputation of the class, that I am actually going to enjoy it. Well, after class today Sean came downtown and we met for lunch, pizza, of course. Then we went and picked up some snacks and sat at the bus stop. It started pouring while we were there and it was so great... then we got on the bus, got off the bus, waited for a second bus, and I got on that one. Sean walked back to work (why, I don't know) and got his shoes and socks soaked and I went to work. It was really busy today because Marsha was gone and Wednesdays are always busy, so I learned some new things, did a lot of running around and stair climbing...it was a good time! Except that my ovaries hate me. After work I visited Sean and then went home only to find a fat, disgusting, smelly, hairy lump on the couch watching cartoon DVDs. Disgruntled, I walked into the bedroom to waste some time online and the internet wasn't working. great. Ok, I went into the kitchen and all of the dishes that Sean has been saying that he would do for the past week and a half or so are STILL sitting on the counter. So I did them. Of course. What else would I do? Then I decided to fix the internet thing...so I unplugged the modem, waited, plugged it back in, waited, and restarted computers. Nothing worked. So I called Mediacomm and sat on hold for 25 minutes. Then I talked with a really nice man named Andy who helped me get everything figured out. (obviously, or I wouldn't be here) I think Marie might come up tomorrow, but I haven't talked to her about it since Saturday night/Sunday morning so, we'll see. If she does we'll get the grill up and running. Anway.

My back hurts, my throat hurts, and I have to read.

hm

2005-06-06T18:02:00.000-05:00

So it's been a while...
First, I got another job. It's great, I like it.
Second, I went home last weekend. Just for the weekend. I saw everyone I wanted to see, with one exception, but that's ok.

Marie might come visit this week on her day off. My parents bought us a grill so we'll probably start that up.

Oh, my class starts tomorrow. So from now on, I will go to class at 8, go straight to work from there, come back to campus, probably work for a few hours at the arcade, go home, make dinner, do homework, sleep, and repeat.

Other than that, everything is the same. Sean's perfect and wonderful and I'm so lucky...I couldn't (and wouldn't) ask for anything more from him.

that's it.

Randomness

2005-05-20T09:02:00.000-05:00

I realizes this morning that getting up early is not actually that bad. Granted, 8 am is not exactly early, but when you've laid in bed till 4 the night before, it's a little harder. Now, waking up at first sucks, but I think I just need to give myself more time before I decide that I can't get up because I'm too tired. I just have never let that tiredness ware off before.

Yesterday out juicer came. Although I'm not sure it lives up to everything it's supposed to from the commercial, it's still a great thing. Last night we made two smoothies and some salsa. The salsa was from a recipe book, and it was alright, but it wasn't great. I think I can do a few things to make it better though.

I got bored being home yesterday so I made Sean a really good sandwich. It had spicy mustard, smoked chicken, cheddar cheese, romaine, tomatoes, bread and butter pickles, and peppers. He liked it. I also made a pitcher of iced tea and split it up into two water bottles. I gave one to Sean and kept one for myself. After I gave Sean his food and drink, I took my iced tea and my book to the river to read. Within the first 20 minutes or so I drank all of my iced tea. Then 4 hours later I realized how long I'd been out there. In the sun. With no sunblock. Needless to say, I am a bit burnt. My feet too. So then I went in to work, and Sean got me some aloe and chicken tacos. The alarm went off, so Daniel and I spent a while looking for a break in the line, and didn't find one. I felt somewhat ridiculous crawling around under desks, but it was an inturruption to the normal routine.

And that's pretty much it.

Fuck you

2005-05-16T02:56:00.000-05:00

It isn't my fault that you got drunk, passed out, missed work and got fired. It isn't my fault that you then lied to almost everyone about it. It isn't my fault that you didn't get off your huge fucking ass to find another job. It isn't my fault that you knowingly wrote hundreds of dollars worth of bad checks. It isn't my fault that your bank closed your account. It isn't my fault that you owe them $750. It isn't my fault you owe your landlord $480. It isn't my fault you lie about it. It isn't my fault your bank sent a collection agency after you. It isn't my fault you're a horrible person. It isn't my fault you stole $450 from a friend.

None of that shit is my fault.
So don't you fucking steal from me.
I'll take it all back. Plus some.
And if you ever, EVER "borrow" or take my things without asking again, I'll fucking press charges and you'll end up in a jail cell.

Stupid day

2005-05-13T11:03:00.000-05:00

Today is a stupid day. I feel like crap. I went to bed at 4 this morning and got up at 6. Then I took a 2.5 hour art history final and now I am dead. I really don't think I have the energy to ride home. I'm at work now, I came here after I checked out of my room. Blah blah blah I feel like falling over.

On the bright side, I got a B+ in my drawing class. And I've found a great website about things you can do to cats.

erg

2005-05-09T15:13:00.000-05:00

I watched American Dad last night for the first time. I was sadly disappointed. I thought it would be funny, and it was at first, but then it was just really annoying. My new favorite show is Grey's Anatomy.

The weekend was alright. I worked with Scott on Saturday from noon till five. Then I came home, made two apple pies, crust and all, cleaned, and relaxed. Sunday Sean's parents came down to visit for a few minutes. They were dropping off food so we won't have to cook at all. They got here around 10am and then left at 10.30. My parents came at 11am. I gave my mom her pie and she gave me food so we won't have to cook. Then we went over to Currier so they could help me move. I have way too much stuff. We unloaded and then they took us to lunch. We got back, the parents left for Knoxville, and Sean and I started unpacking. It took forever. Then I fell asleep for about 20 minutes. I called my parents a bit later to make sure my facts were right on Kent State and my stepdad told me that no one believed that I could make a pie because the crust was too good. oy. Anway, we studied for a long time after that, and I needed to relax a bit, so I went to the gas station to pick up a coke to go with some rum and I got Sean something too. We were up pretty late and we slept in the living room. Got up at 6 this morning to make sean eggs and pancakes. And now I'm waiting for my first final. eep.

scream.

2005-05-07T15:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was interesting. Last day of classes it was. When I got home I just felt so weak. It was odd, I was shaking really badly. Sean and I took recycling back and then went home and sat for a few minutes before taking cans and bottles back and buying things so that I can make my mommy and apple pie. Then we went home to drop those things off and went to kmart to get a couple rugs. While we were there I picked up a nice (not expensive, but not cheap) $5 scrub brush for the tub. We went home, put the rugs down, and relaxed for a while. Then I made us sammiches and we decided to start cleaning. Sean started mopping the kitchen floor and I started cleaning the tub. I the shower curtain pulled down, the softscrub in the tub and I had started scrubbing when Chris inturrupted me. He told me he wanted to take a shower and could he finish the cleaning when he was done with his shower. I asked him if he could just wait and he said no. We went back and forth for a little bit and finally I said whatever, have it your way. So, instead of taking a shower, he starts cleaning the tub. I fucking hate it when people take my job from me. Especially when I know that they won't do it well and I will just have to redo it. So he's in there with the door closed (a stupid thing to do when you're using bleach in a small room) "cleaning" the tub. He finally gets done, puts the shower curtain back up, and takes a shower. We went in there when he was done only to find that he hadn't cleaned the shower curtain (which badly needed it) and the tub wasnt clean. So I pulled out my brush from where he put it under the sink...and it was ruined. Completely fucking ruined. It was fucking brand new and he fucking ruined it. All of the bristles that are still there are pointing sideways. It looked like someone ran over it. Makes me wonder if he sat on it. Then this girl came to pick him up and he was digging through change so that he could find money to buy beer. I don't know about you, but if my bank had just closed my account and sent a collector agency after me because I knowing wrote several bad checks and owed the bank $738, I highly doubt I would be buying beer. Or doing anything but working, which he doesn't seem to do much either. All I know is that I am so fucking sick of him I'm having a hard time not showing it. When I bitch about him to Sean I don't bother to keep my voice down, especially when I know windows and doors are open. Sean doesn't really care if hears either, since he feels the same way. Sometimes I want to scream at him. Most of the time I want to scream at him, but it wouldn't do any good, he'd just say "yeah yeah yeah" like he always does, like he knows what you are talking about, and then he won't change. He's such a fucking lazy, disgusting, vile, smelly, fat, lieing slob and I'd really like to punch him several times and throw him out.

A hum de dum day indeed

2005-05-03T12:45:00.000-05:00

I'm packing now. It's a horrible thing, packing, but it must be done. I've got class in a half hour, and I'm buying Jenie's design kit off of her.

Last weekend was interesting, to say the least. I went to my dad's house, we spent the night there. Things have sort of changed, but not much, and I'm not really sure if I feel comfortable there, but I know I don't feel comfortable at my mother's.

Things are things, Chris's bank closed his account, but he's still trying to tell us that he has money and blah blah blah.

Must go chat with Ann now, scheduling time.

Schedule!

2005-04-27T00:01:00.000-05:00

Sex and Strawberry Daiquiris

2005-04-22T23:14:00.000-05:00

Today has been a great day, despite the morning.

It rained on my way to school, I got soaked crossing the river, but then I got to go to the Art Museum and it was wonderful. I found I think my favorite painting. It's called Like Me, Like X and I can't remember the artist, but I know he was French, I'll look it up.

I worked after that and Daniel and I looked up creepy animals on google, talked about our phobias, and Ann said we weren't getting any work done. Sean had a test and the teacher forgot. Then I left.

Speaking of phobias...Sean likes to randomly bring one of mine up.
/glare.

Sean bought a new bike today and gave me his old one. We spent $500.28 at the bike store, but now he has a new bike, a new lock, and a new light, and I have baskets for my bike and a camelbak, and Sean's old bike. Plus we have six months to pay it off, interest free.

So anyway, we're waiting for Mike to return from Hy-Vee so I can make everyone strawberry daiquiris and spaghetti and meatballs.

You can have it all, my empire of dirt... I will let you down... I will make you hurt

2005-04-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe he used to be a nice guy, but he isn't anymore. Actually, I know he used to be a nice guy, and I know he isn't anymore. And it isn't a just a matter of him never doing dishes and being so messy that it has turned into a health code violation, it's not just because he rarely showers, or that he cuts his hair and doesn't clean it up, or that he rarely flushes the toilet and doesn't use toilet paper, or that when he actually does dishes they aren't clean and I have to redo them. It isn't even that he eats twice his weight in food a day, or that we have to hide food from him. It is, however, the lies, about ridiculous things, the lack of thinking about how his action will affect others, his lack of motivation. It's a horrible thing to never ever be able to believe someone, like when he tells us that in 50 minutes he rode his bike to North Liberty, stopped at the mall, rode around in NL, and rode back, when the trip there takes 40 minutes if you are in shape, and he is by no means in shape. Or like when he lied about how much he got paid. Who cares? Why would anyone lie about that? Then a family member got him a good job that paid sallery, and he quit a week after he started, without giving two weeks. Does he know what that does to his family member's reputation? Or maybe it's the fact that he starved two living animals to death, and felt no remorse.

He puts so much stress on other people's relationships. He isn't ready to live away from home. He still has the mentality of a kid, he doesn't know what responsibility is. He has negative $300 in his checking account, and he keeps writing checks.

And you know what? You are viewing this as an outsider. You don't know what it's like.

Golly Gee, Mickey!

2005-04-15T09:58:00.000-05:00

For some reason I remember that from last year. It was the day that Marie and I skipped to ogo with Clifton to the county healh department so that he could get his shots for Elsalvador. I read children's books to Marie while we were waiting, and that was a line that made us both laugh for a while.
I've got a couple of great links to start you off with which include things such as a
Wholfin! and Zombie Chicken!

Now, I'm sure you'll have tons of fun with those. I, once again, am at work. I've been here for a half hour, and I have two more hours to go. I'm working wit Daniel today, so I should have moe fun than I did last night, hopefully.

Sean is so great. I don't know what I ever did without him. He actually got me up this morning, wich I thank him for. We left the windows open last night, so it was incredibly cold this morning.

Tonight we go to Cedar Rapids. Sue's birthday is Monday, so I'm going to help Sean pick out some flowers for her. Sean's Grandpa's birthday party is Sunday. so I... get... to meet everyone... eep. I want to crawl under a table and hide. They will all know that I'm not good enough for Sean before they even talk to me. I am so nervous.

So. This morning, in my art history class, we got our papers back. I got an 8 out of 10. First of all, how do you grade a rough draft? Shouldn't a person get points for, I don't know, completing it? So yeah. Then one of the paintings we were discussing happened to be the one that my paper was over. She said "Your paper was excelent! How about you tell the class about this painting?" So I did, all the while thinking "If my paper was so excellent, why did i only get 8 on it?" But that's over with, and I have two weeks to revise it and then it's due the 29th, and then finals are...the next week. boo.

Look who was wrong...again.

2005-04-14T18:18:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't got everything figured out. Not at all. I want a BFA with emphasis on Photography and a BA in Communications. To do that, I need 120 hours for my BFA, 50 of those have to be art credits and 68 have to be outside of the art cirriculum. Which I can do, since Communications only needs 30 hours. The problem is, I can't do it all in 4 years. If I had decided this when I started here, I'd have no problem, but I waited till now, so I'm a semester behind.

Also, today in my drawing class, I stopped sucking. Just randomly. One portrait I sucked, the next one I didn't.

It is damn cold in here.

2005-04-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

I decided yesterday what I wanted to do with my life. It just randomly came to me. I want to open a photography studio of my own. I'll do wedding pictures, family photos, senior pictures, whatever I can to make money, and on the side I can do my own work. Of course this will take a lot of money, time, and effort, so I'm going to go ahead with this communications and art major and do that till we have enough money. If Sean and I make and save enough money the first few years, then I can start my own studio. If we don't, maybe I can find someone else with a studio and work with them until I can get my own. Now, with the communications major, I can go into marketing, and that, paired with an art major with emphasis on photography, can get me a job at an advertising agency. There are ad agencies all over the place, so I don't have to worry about where I live at all.

I'm glad I finally got this all figured out.

Not doing what I'm supposed to be doing...

2005-04-13T23:13:00.000-05:00

I have a test tomorrow. It's a science test, and I don't know if I will do well. I won't do poorly, but I doubt I will do well. Perhaps if the information was given in a more interesting way I might do better, but as it is, everything is presented very dry and boring. I can't get the mindset to study. I did a bit, I read the chapter reviews, looked over the power point presentations, but other than that, I can't get myself to do anything. When I start to read an actual chapter, I find myself reading the same line over and over again. Now, I'm writing this from the Mayflower ITC. Sean is working, and I didn't want to be alone when The Thing came home. I found out today that he downloaded... things. Porn related things, but not things that are usually considered acceptable porn. Now I feel very sorry for the rats. So anyway, I came to work with Sean, and he is done at 1 am, and then we'll walk back to the appartment and go to sleep. I say walk because Sean's bike broke the other night so it's in the shop till Friday. My bike... let's not go there. Oh, I ran into Kirsten the other night. Sean and I went to turn in a paper of his at the engineering building, and we decided to get some Pancharos because it was 1 am and nothing else was open. So we ordered, and paid, and then Kirsten walked in with her boyfriend. So we sat and chatted for a bit, and then we left, and on the way home Sean's bike broke. Oh well, life goes on.

Bottle Caps!

2005-04-13T12:31:00.000-05:00

Chris left his window open all night last night. It got cold last night, so it was cold here. I went to bed around 8 last night and then got up at about 10 this morning. Sean had a vector test today and he said he'd call me, but he hasn't yet, so he's probably still taking it. I hope he does well, I know he will. He works tonight at 9, and I work tomorrow at 5 and Friday at sometime that i can't remember and sunday at 5. yay for work!

I've missed the rain

2005-04-11T23:01:00.000-05:00

For the past few weeks the weather man has been teasing me with promises of rain, severe thunderstorms, hail, and tornados. And each time I have been let down. Every time the whistle goes off at the power plant I get my hopes up thinking it's the tornado siren. Every time, I am sadly wrong, and I go about my day disheartened and gloomy. Today it rained. Now, it wasn't a complete downpour, and there was no lightening or thunder, no hail, no tornados, but hey, it was a start, wasn't it? Of course, my bike doesn't stop in the rain. Ok, it doesn't stop at all, but it's worse in the rain because my feet don't stop it. I used a tree to stop today.

When I got home The Thing was home, holed up in his room. As Sean and I left for the bike shop, The Thing emerged, and skulked out the door. He said "hi" to Sean. I think I've found the new bike I want, it's only $275 dollars, which is less than my tax return was, so I'm good.

We also went and looked at kitties today. They were so cute, and I found one that I want, but, alas, we have to wait till The Thing moves out July 31st (112 days) before we can get a cat, and there is obviously no gaurentee that the kitty will be there.

Oh dear.

2005-04-11T12:29:00.000-05:00

I definitely had the oddest dream last night.

Marie and I were at Waukee high school and Michelle walked up. She was being a bitch, and I don't like her in the first place, so I punched her in the face. Then Marie and I ran out to my car (which was my old red bimmer) and a teacher came running after us but we drove away...to the ice skating rink. Then we were skating around and auddenly there was a movie theater so we skated down the isle and took a seat. Then Sean came sprinting up to join us. All of a sudden we were walking in the woods. Then we saw all these possesed looking horses running toward us at full steam. Marie said something about how the white ones were the most ruthless, so we ran. We found a grate, so we went underneat it and there was a tunnle. We slid down the tunnel and found ourselves in a room. Next to that room was a room full of people. We could hear and see them, but they couldn't hear or see us. Marie said that it was a secret chamber so we had to stay there while our school was attacked. We got some more people to come in. Then I had to leave the room for some reason. While I was on my way back I ran into more people, so I told them to follow me, but this older woman was being really noisey and she wouldn't leave without her bathtub. So we lugged it with us. She kept complaining that we would have to crawl to get there. For some reason she thought we would be crawling through maneur. All of a sudden the doors burst open and I saw the horses, so I dove into the hole, and everyone else (including the horses) followed. When they got us all together we asked what they wanted and they said they wanted the last package of frosted oatmeal cookies. Some older man with really round gold glasses said "oh, well I have them right here!" and he handed them over and then the horses left and I woke up.

Oof

2005-04-09T14:01:00.000-05:00

Sean is out having lunch with Matt and one of his friends. They are eating at the Hamburg, but it's ok, because I got to sleep till one and I'm really not htat hungry. Friday I only got four hours of sleep, including the two hour nap I took at four in the afternoon.

We went on a bike ride last night. It was great! We rode all along the trail till I got tired. It sucks being out of shape, but I'll get there soon.

Today we are supposed to go look at cats at the rescue center and then we are going to ride to North Liberty. Well, that is if Sean ever gets back. The rescue center closes at three and I have no idea if he'll be back in time or not.

Creepy...

2005-04-07T14:35:00.000-05:00

The Pope died.
The Prince of Monacco (Prince Ranier) died.
Frank Conroy (tough love guy) died.
Kurt Jennings has lung cancer.

Coincidence?

I suppose there has to be a first

2005-04-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

I'm going to meet Sean for lunch, even though I'm not hungry. I love him so increadibly much. Then it's off to drawing class, then giving Clifton all of his things back. But right now I must catch a bus!